Insecurity is a MF ain't it? It'll have you movin' all kinda ways with not one of them leading to anything that remotely resembles confidence.
It'll make you second guess yourself, your ideas, your position, and your worth. I fell victim to this so many times that I had to study myself to find out wtf was wrong with me. I kept getting the same results from the Men I was dating.
He'd move in.
I'd accept it.
I'd text back.
Then I'd text again.
...then I'd call.
Then he'd call...then I'd text AND call again..you know. To keep his attention on me, right?
Then I'd email...then text, then call...then...I'd never hear from dude again.
If so, don't feel bad. In a world where Women are fighting tooth and nail to be seen (AND PAID BITCH!) as equal to Men, some of us find ourselves not knowing how to just "BE" with Men when it comes to dating them. We don't know how to find comfort in letting a Man pursue us anymore. We don't know if it's being lazy to let him make the 1st move or if it's playing hard to get or whatever TF relationship trend is poppin' right now. We just don't know! The problem I had was insecurity. I thought that if I didn't respond back at the PERFECT time in the PERFECT way in the PERFECT amount, he would lose interest. But fam was losing interest because he wasn't even apart of the picture anymore. It was like I was playing Tennis on both sides of the damn court...knocking tf outta that tennis ball...all by myself. Dude wasn't even on the court anymore. His presence wasn't need because I had it all covered. I didn't know at the time that if a Man (or any human, really) feels like he doesn't have a part/position/role in a relationship, he's gonna ghost.
So, I dated myself for a few years to find out wtf was wrong with me and why I was so scared all the time to lose a Man's interest.
What I learned is that when a Man shows interest, my job is to either show him his presence is accepted or not. That's it. That's all. It is NOT my job to carry the relationship at the time of attraction or any time in the future. I thought that if I didn't respond quickly or intensely, he wouldn't like me anymore and that's why I basically started pursuing him. I also found out that this behavior was routed in insecurity...the insecurity that I wasn't enough for the dudes I was interested in. (We'll discuss that in another post.)
Whether you're at the "flirting" stage or you guys are about to jump the broom, that back and forth is essential. It's basically the balancing of Masculine and Feminine power. It's really a beautiful thing to experience once we put all of our societal brainwashed bullshit to the side. Honest.
When he makes a move, the ONLY move you need to make is to show him that you either dig the move or you don't. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. It is NOT our job to do ALL the moves...this goes for him too (you gotta let him know something, SIs. Don't leave that man hanging.) Women are so powerful now and we're becoming so used to "getting shit done" that we think this same mentality applies to our love life and Sis...no. It does not. "Getting shit done," is WONDERFUL for 1-Woman projects, but as long as relationships require 2+ people, that attitude will drive people away to a place where their talents and presence is needed and wanted.
Bottom line? Love & Relationships are a "US" thang not an "I" thang.
You gotta leave room for him to make a move. Cause if you don't, how will you know he truly likes you? You ain't leave him no room to show how he really feels cause you doing all the damn work. Be comfortable letting him pursue you. Let him set the date. Let him worry about whether you got time for him or not. Some guys like to bitch and moan about how challenging that is for Men, but low-key they love that shit because...hello...what real Man DOESN'T LIKE a challenge? In Man world, they like that shit. Knowing that you weren't easy to get but HE got you? Girl. That love that!
I'm not saying be a Bitch. I'm not saying pretend you're hard to get (if anything you should BE hard to get. Don't pretend that shit..BE THAT SHIT!). I'm saying embrace the natural back and forth energy that occurs between a Man and Woman when we just let ourselves like who we like. I can't stress enough how beautiful this can be if we just put all the bullshit to the side and just play like when we were kids. It's play. It's LITERALLY adult play. Let him do his thang, and then you do your thang....and then ya'll keep that same energy for as long as ya'll want to...but don't be the one doing the whole thang because then..why do you need him?
CEO of Cutie Booty Media